Alright, I’ve gone and done it now. I’ve gotten past that initial resistance – that fear of committing myself to writing – and started banging on the keys of this keyboard. (I do bang on them, too – a carryover from learning to type on an old manual typewriter 40+ years ago. ) While I’ve always defined myself as someone who could honor my word – honor my commitment – my track record of late has not been too impressive – not that anyone else would have noticed. From all outward appearances, I’m a ‘committed’ person – to family, job, etc. (You know, those things society has defined as ‘normal’.) Where I’ve fallen though, is in my commitment to my self.
Why this resistance, though – this fear of writing? I KNOW it’s something I need to do – for myself. I know it’s something that I must do if I’m going to honor my commitment to support the principle of Oneness and Equality and doing my part to bring about a world that’s Best for All. I am convinced that I cannot serve any greater purpose for the rest of my life. I just have to face this fear.
I have been afraid of exposing my self – first of all, to me – actually facing everything that I’ve accepted and allowed in my life that has supported the systems that have made this world the shithole that it is today for so many. I’ve been afraid that someone at work might see what I’ve written and that might influence their opinion of me. Could there be repercussions from the work/job perspective? I don’t know. I could probably avoid that while still facing points. But, I’ve allowed myself to use that as an excuse to myself up ‘til now. I’ve also had this fear come up regarding my family reacting to something I might write. The thing is, I also know that none of these fears are real. It’s just my mind – my mind consciousness system – fucking with me to cause this resistance to keep me from facing my self. And, sometimes, I’ve simply allowed my mind to keep me distracted. Oh, I have to read this article, or this blog, and get caught up on a particular thread on facebook or, on the forum. And, gosh, there’s so many great videos and vlogs I need to watch and, darn – now it’s time for bed…
But, today, I committed myself to a 7 year process. The only time in my life I’d ever committed myself to doing something for that long was when my kids were born and I committed myself to providing for them until they were grown and on their own. This process, however, involves writing. This is Day 1. Day 1 – finding my Purpose in the Journey to Life. It is through writing that I will honor life as my purpose in creating a world that is Best for All, to ensure the future for the generations to come.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in fear.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that fear exists.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to fear exposing myself through writing about facing my acceptances and allowances instead of realizing that fear is not real, and only exists in my mind as a result of participation within and as thoughts, feeling and emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to create and participate within distractions in order to avoid facing myself in writing.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing my mind’s resistance to writing to manifest in the form of distractions, instead of directing and disciplining myself to manage my time and participation so that I can ‘keep up’ with reading, listening to, and/or watching the material as required, while allotting enough time to write the blogs and self-forgiveness which I have committed myself to write.
When and as I see myself allowing resistance or fear to keep me from writing, I stop and I breathe, and I direct myself to allot the necessary time out of my day/evening to keep my commitment to write about what is here – the patterns that I have accepted and allowed – as I walk my process in this Journey to Life, in becoming a co-creator of a world that is Best for All.