When I first looked at these terms, I didn’t consider that they applied to me because, I couldn’t recall self-judgment and/or comparing myself to others as being something that I’ve ever spent much of my time doing. But, actually, I’ve been doing it my whole life without even thinking about it. Having been conditioned by society and family to compete – to strive to be the best or, at the very least, to do the best I could do at whatever it was I was doing – there was no way I couldn’t have been judging my own performance and comparing mine to others.
When I competed in sports, I was aware of my limitations but, through hard work and perseverance, I was able to be ‘pretty good’ at some things but, never ‘real good’ at anything – and I was OK with that. Throughout my working career, I’ve been measured on performance. Unfortunately, having a good work ethic – simply working hard and trying to do things right, as well as doing the right things – isn’t always enough. Performance is evaluated on how I’d done according to projections, or compared to past performance or, against some benchmark someone came up with. So, these words as actions have been with me for a long time.
There have been times when this self-judgment and comparison has generated a sense of superiority – even arrogance – within me, because I have always been pretty good at my jobs and, I’ve had this notion that I have done my job better than anyone else could do it. I learned how to, and could be, a demanding and intimidating ‘boss’ when it seemed I needed to be. Although, treating people right and being consistent and fair has produced much better results over the years – as those enslaved within the capitalist/corporate system fearful for their very survival tend to perform better when they’re happy… What I’ve come to realize, though, is that self-judgment and comparison within this context has simply been a way to feed my ego – a way for my mind to justify this definition I’ve created of and for myself as a ‘boss’ doing what I have to do to survive within the system…
However, when it comes to actually facing myself in self-honesty, and writing out self-forgiveness and self corrective statements, self-judgment and comparison take on a whole new twist. I’ve read other Destonians’ blogs that simply blow me away with their depth. There’s some that write so well that I’m totally in awe of the insight and clarity in their words and I find myself intimidated, and a feeling of inferiority comes over me as I contemplate writing. I see my partner sit down and start writing and, self-forgiveness will just flow. And, even though I know that everyone’s process is theirs and theirs alone, this fear of not doing it well enough, or as well as some of the others, always makes me pause before starting to write…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to separate myself from others by comparing myself to them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare myself to other people.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge myself in comparison to other people as “more than“ or “less than’ them.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within the polarity design of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ exist.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing self-judgment to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in self-judgment.
When and as I see myself existing in the pattern of self-judgment and/or comparison, I stop, I breathe, I see and realize the polarity in the design of ‘inferiority’ and ‘superiority’ and I push myself to no longer exist within these patterns.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist within and as intimidation, either as the intimidator – one attempting to impose fear upon another – or, in being/becoming intimidated by something done by another.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing intimidation to exist within and as me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to manipulate others through intimidation from a position of power, instead of treating all others within the principal of equality and what’s best for all.
When and as I see myself existing in the pattern of intimidation, I stop, and I breathe, as I realize that intimidation is nothing more than the mind’s way of manipulating others within a situation, and I push myself to no longer participate in this pattern, and commit myself to treat others with dignity and respect – as I would want to be treated – while being supportive and assisting in my dealings with them.
I commit myself to continue to push myself within this process to write myself to freedom, being patient with myself in self-honesty, as I prepare to stand as a co-creator of a world that’s best for all.
Also see: Heaven’s Journey to Life