Having just picked up my youngest sister from work, we were on our way to our parents’ house when my pager went off. I asked my sister if she would dial my home phone number and let me use her phone. My partner, C, informed me that our youngest daughter was at the hospital emergency room with our 21 month old grand-daughter, who had been bitten on the face (cheek) by a dog they had been taking care of. She didn’t really know much more than that, at the time. An hour or so later, I called from my parents’ house and found out the baby was going to require stitches. C was telling me that our daughter and her friend (the dog’s owner) had just left the apartment then, immediately after it happened, E’s daddy didn’t wait around for them to get back – he picked her up and headed to the ER. And I asked: “Did he kill the dog?”
Now, that question led to some intense discussion but, I’m going to focus on what was going on in me at the time I put those words ‘out there’. Did I blame the dog? No. I figured the baby had probably been pestering the dog and the dog was simply letting her know it had had enough and, did the only thing it knows how to do – it snapped at her and, in doing so, bit her on the cheek. Did/do I believe the dog deserves to die? Certainly not. I had some back chat and secret mind stuff going on in me at the time and, that question just came out of my mouth. I knew at that moment that the pattern had existed in me – that I might have reacted violently toward a dog in retaliation, or revenge, if one were to have bit my baby when she was that age…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in a pattern of abuse by verbalizing a thought to kill another being, that was simply doing what comes naturally in self-defense.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe it to be acceptable to kill or react violently to/toward any being, instead of realizing that violence has never solved anything but, has only created/caused more problems in this world.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in a pattern of behavior that could rationalize the killing of another being, whose only transgression was defending its self.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to attempt to justify saying those words, as though there could be a valid or logical reason to imply that killing another being would be acceptable.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have mistreated animals when I was a kid, believing myself to be superior to them, instead of realizing that all beings are equal and one as life.
I commit myself to supporting the principal of equality and preparing myself to stand as a co-creator of a world that’s best for all – where all life is recognized as equal, integral parts of the whole of existence and, to be patient with myself within this process, as I learn to slow down and breathe before placing words into this reality to be lived by all, that are, in fact, best for all.
Also see: Heaven’s Journey to Life