While talking to some acquaintances the other day, one of them began to express herself about how she felt about a co-worker (who the rest of the group know). After listening for a short while, I recognized the symptoms of ‘holding’ or, ‘carrying’ a grudge. By definition, a grudge is a feeling of resentment or ill will toward another – usually over some perceived wrongdoing. It’d been a long long time since I held a grudge against anyone, deciding years ago that it simply made no sense at all to carry around baggage like anger and resentment toward another. The short tirade I witnessed reinforced that decision. The more this woman talked, the more I could see that bitterness and resentment toward this other person actually consumed her. She had ‘become’ the grudge she held against this person. But, how could it not? To hold onto or carry a grudge, requires that it be nurtured. One has to regularly remind his/her self that they are carrying around this resentment. And it requires energy to survive. Give it a little bitterness here and a little anger there… That’ll keep it going. That’ll keep it alive…
For those that have ‘em, and want to keep ‘em, there’s some problems with this holding onto or, carrying grudges. It’s not healthy. Carrying around bitterness, or anger, or resentment, inside, will manifest physical problems. These things create stress – one of the leading causes of cancer and heart disease. So, it’s a good idea to let these things go – for health reasons… Not only that but, a grudge is just another way people remain in the past . Think about it. To hold a grudge, one must keep re-living a past experience over and over, distracting his/her self from what is Here, in this moment.
What I’ve realized more recently, is that those times that I did hold grudges, it really had nothing to do with the other person. It actually was all about me ad how I had chosen to respond, or react, to the situations/circumstances at the time. So, it’s best to avoid them. And if you do get caught up in one, best to forgive yourself for your participation in it, and move on…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in holding a grudge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to carry a grudge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to harbor resentment toward another in the form of a grudge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to distract myself with events/circumstances that had occurred in the past, and holding on to those moments and carrying them with me in the form of a grudge.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate in keeping a grudge ‘alive’ by directing attention and energy to a past experience.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get frustrated with this lady for going on and on about her dislike for a person when it had nothing to do with the conversation the rest of us were having.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to get somewhat flustered over her tirade that I was not interested in hearing about how she ‘felt’ about this guy and wanted to tell her how stupid it all actually sounded to me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge this woman as a crotchety old bitch because, while I was trying to use myself as an example and talk to her about how, if I see something in another that’s frustrating me, that what I see is actually a reflection of something about myself, she just kept interrupting and telling the rest of us that she didn’t care, she hated him anyway, instead of realizing that, by participating within and as judgment, I was not supporting what’s best for all.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to give up my effort to continue a conversation on this topic with her because I ‘knew’ she was not going to listen to anything else I had to say, instead of seeing/realizing that my attitude toward her was identical to the attitude for which I had judged her – and to treat her and all others with the dignity and respect of an equal being.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to pass judgment to/toward a person as though I’m better because I ‘see’ things differently, instead of realizing that within that, I was reacting to seeing my self in another and, was participating in the very kind of judgment which causes and is a symptom of – a grudge.
I forgive myself for not realizing that grudges are a preprogrammed pattern within the system designs of humans which must be transcended through self-forgiveness and self-corrective application in order for us to live in a world where we each treat each other as equals and no one ever bears a grudge against another again..
Whenever I see myself hanging on to judgments or resenting another, I stop and I breathe, and I realize and remember that whatever I see in another is but a reflection of my self, and I investigate what it is about me that I see.
I commit myself to preparing to stand as co-creator of a world that’s best for all, where no one sees any other as “less than” but that all are equal, integral parts within the equality of all.