Day 15: Reunion
Recently, I attended my Class of 1972 Reunion to celebrate the 40 year anniversary of our graduating from high school. Prior to the event, I caught myself going into future projections, anticipating who I might see and if I saw this person or that person, how they might look after all these years and, how some might react to seeing me with a shaved head and what I would tell them if they questioned me or said something about it. I stopped myself from going any further with those thoughts and just breathed and focused on being/remaining Here in the present moment – about 5 times on the way there… lol I arrived on time – at the time it was supposed to start – so there weren’t many people there yet. My ‘get-along-with-everyone’ character – that I have lived most of my life as – kicked into gear as I chatted with almost everyone that showed up. The few guys I hung out with the most back in high school were all there, and everyone got caught up with what each other had been doing since we last visited. I had seen these same guys at a lunch a little over a year ago so, we didn’t have as much ‘catching up’ to do but, there were people I hadn’t seen in over 20 years and some that I hadn’t seen since we graduated. Almost everyone there had gone on to college, gotten married, and had families and, have spent most of their lives working for a living – just as we were trained and expected to do. A few have been able to retire and, several former classmates are now deceased – from a variety of causes.
As I headed home afterward, I pondered the reason/purpose for reunions, which are, by definition: a social gathering re-uniting a group of people that have been separated for a period of time. When I was a kid, we attended family reunions from time to time and, it was the only time I would ever see some relatives. I never knew why we didn’t see them more often until I got a little older and realized that it was because everybody was just too busy doing their own thing – working to survive and maintain their own households. And, it’s really the same for class reunions. We’re all just too busy – all wrapped up in our own little worlds of jobs, homes, cars, kids, activities, etc. – to keep up with more than is in our immediate surroundings/environment. So, we have to have an official gathering for us to break from our ‘normal’ routine to re-unite with people we haven’t seen in a while, rekindle some friendships, and delve into our memory banks and ‘refresh’ old memories, failing to consider that we are already living in the past and now we’re going to give life to more memories so we can continue to do so…
I forgive myself for not realizing that the ‘get-along-with-everyone’ character exists in self-interest, by morphing into what is actually multiple characters, being/becoming a chameleon, of sorts, being ‘nice’, ‘polite’, and ‘helpful’ and ‘blending in’ with whatever individual or group I would find myself with/in at the time, wanting everyone to ‘like’ me.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to exist in the self-interest of the ‘get-along-with-everyone’ character by acting/reacting/responding within what I anticipate another’s expectation of me ‘might’ be – based on an assumption of what that expectation would be related to previous experiences / memories, instead of realizing that I really have no idea what another’s idea of me might be at any point in time and that I only need to direct myself within each moment to share myself unconditionally as I am existing in that moment, equal and one with all.
When and as I see myself becoming the ‘get-along-with-everyone’ character, I stop and I breathe, and I remind myself to simply remain here in this moment, and direct myself to be self-honest and apply the principle of equality and what’s best for all in all of my interactions with others.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to participate within and as the energy of memories – the basis of all thoughts – losing myself within the energy of who I was past moments.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not realize that I have spent most of my life living in the past – wherein I have created and am living the consequences of my acceptances and allowances within my reality – participating in thoughts, generated by the mind, which originated from and as memories, thus allowing myself to be pre-occupied with the past instead of being here in the present moment, aware of myself as equal and one with the whole of humanity in every moment.
I commit myself to identifying, facing and forgiving the characters in which I have defined myself by and existed as, as I walk this process of self-forgiveness in self-honesty, as I prepare myself to become co-creator of a world that’s Best for All.
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