In looking at the characters that I have created for/as myself over the years, the most frequent, pervasive, and continuously participated in character throughout my life – and one that I’m sure has many layers – is that of the ‘boss’. Growing up, I was a ‘responsible’ kid – which meant that I was one that could be left “in charge” to babysit my 6 younger siblings. I didn’t have a problem accepting that responsibility and rather enjoyed ’being in charge’. To me, that meant that I was the Boss until my parents – or one of my older brothers – came home, and I took that responsibility seriously. I was good at it, as it was something that my parents praised me for doing well, and I liked getting that ‘recognition’ for a job well done. My brothers and sisters teasingly told me that I got ‘brownie points’ and, they were right. I was allowed some leeway and may have had a little more freedom to do things – go out with friends and stuff – because I was ‘responsible’.
When I got out into the real world, working hard and being willing to accept additional responsibility paid off as I got the opportunity to move into management and, have been employed in management positions for most of my working life. This character of ‘the boss’ has evolved over the years – I’m not near as big of an ass now as I was when I was younger – and it has always had a certain level of what I would call “intensity”. Dutiful to the managerial model of capitalism, I have always accepted that responsibility to ‘do more with less’, to look for ways to improve processes and, to expect more and more out of people. I make no claims to have been the consummate corporate manager but, in all but 2 out of 35+ years of management, I have shown productivity increases within my area of responsibility. I see employees as my greatest asset and, have always believed in being fair and consistent. I have transitioned from being a strict ‘by-the-book’ disciplinarian to being more understanding and compassionate toward those that report to me, while still expecting high levels of performance.
Being in management is a 24/7 job. Twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week, I am the boss and, I have been ‘on call’ for over 30 years. The only problem with that is that ‘intensity’ I mentioned earlier. There isn’t a switch I turn on when I get to work and turn off when I head home. Admittedly, for years I was almost always in the ‘boss’ mode: Do this; Do that; Do it this way; etc. But, as a husband and parent, I can’t say that it’s the best character to embody when NOT at work… My partner and our children ‘know’ this character – the guy that’s always right and always had to have the last word…
Participating within the matrix we call the corporate world still requires a certain level of intensity. But, since we moved out of the city and, now that it takes me about an hour to get home (depending on traffic and whether or not I have to make any stops), it’s rare if I’m not out of that intense work mode by the time I get home. It helps now that I understand that I cannot be present, here in this moment, if I’m staying in (the intensity of) past moments.
Coming soon: Self-forgiveness for the ‘boss’ character.
In the meantime, please join us for discussions about Equality and creating a world that’s Best for All – on the Forum at Desteni.org. Also, have a look at the Equal Money System Solution at Equalmoney.org.
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