Hesitating to start, embarrassed and casting judgment upon myself for my lack of consistency, I sit with hands on keyboard questioning myself. Getting started is the hardest part – because writing about self-honestintrospection takes me out of my ‘comfort zone’. It’s not ‘comfortable’ to take a look at the results of my programming – my thoughts and feelings and emotions – the accumulation of thousands and thousands of ‘little’, seemingly insignificant decisions I’ve made throughout this life. There is no one else responsible for the me I’ve become – but me…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for and to myself for not following through on my commitment to write consistently.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘put off’ facing myself in self-honest introspection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘doing research’ – gaining knowledge and information – as justification for postponing writing instead of being self-disciplined enough to schedule my time so I could do both.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can work through this process without writing – believing that I can work through issues in the single dimension of my mind ( blogging in my head ) instead of realizing that the physical process of writing down points is the first step in looking at the different dimensions of my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rationalize participation within the energetic charge of thoughts and reactions.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to chase so many distractions, getting caught up in the energy of thoughts and reactions and being busy, instead of being self-disciplined enough to set aside timeeach day for self-honest introspection.
When and as I see myself slipping into a pattern of behavior where I allow excuses and/or distractions to divert my attention, I stop, and I breathe, I direct myself to physically shift my body slightly in order to “ground” myself – and I remind myself to stop and take a good self-honest look at who I am in relationship with the point(s) that I need to address, and to discipline myself to use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and self-corrective application, in this process of self change to move out of this ‘comfort zone’ I have created for myself.
I commit myself to be aware of and to stop patterns of excuses and/or distractions.
I commit myself to direct myself to take one step at a time, and look at who I am in relationship to the memories, decisions, relationships and consequences that I used to create my current definition of myself
More to come…