36 Common Cold Catalyst for Self-Expansion?

I’ve been “fighting” this head cold for about a week and a half which, for me, is truly out of the ordinary, as I haven’t really been what I’d call “sick”, in almost 10 years… Admittedly, I had become somewhat complacent in sticking to my regimen of ingesting and inhaling hydrogen peroxide, drinking a mixture of honey and apple cider vinegar, and taking a couple of other supplements on a regular schedule – if not daily. In these last 9 yrs and almost 11 months since I was last sick (the last time I had the flu), anytime I’d get lax and was exposed to something – like a cold – I could quickly nip it in the bud just by getting back on a daily schedule at an increased dose for a day or two, never getting anything more than the sniffles for maybe a day. But, this one has been different, it’s hung on…

I have been looking at and working on incorporating living self-expansion in all phases of my life, so I decided to expand my “knowledge box” of self-treatment ideas, and have a look at what is here – in my house. I have quite an array of supplements, left over from my late wife’s process with cancer, and I hadn’t taken/made the time to go through them.  So I got the big book out and went through them – not only to see what all was there and its purpose, but to also see if any could be supportive for my physical body/immune system in dealing with my current condition. It took a while to go through them all, but I found several that I could start taking immediately. There were others that I might take occasionally and some I’ll give away while they’re still good so, it was a good exercise to go through all that stuff. I learned some practical information and can utilize these products to assist my physical body.

Earlier today, while reading a chat log, one of the guys had asked a question about “catching a cold”, and I recalled seeing a post that I had wanted to check out but didn’t have time when I saw it – somewhere – then remembered it was a Review – on the Eqafe facebook page, for The Evolution of the Common Cold interview in The Future of Consciousness series.. Before recommending an interview to anyone, I always listen to it – again, if I’ve listened to it before – and, man, am I glad I did. The interview looks at the relationship between the cold /flu virus, the physical body, and the mind – and that relationship is truly fascinating – especially when the interview got to the part where we’re told that one of the interesting things about the relationship the cold/flu virus has with the physical body, is that it targets emotional weaknesses within deep physical dimensions – memories existing within the physical body that have a particular emotional charge to them, that have been accumulating over time..  So, when we catch a cold, we’re told to look at a period of a couple of months, where we’ve had memories/events existing within us that have a particular emotional charge to them… Basically, to look at recent memories that pretty much have the same emotional charge to them, that seem to be coming up more recently and, seem to have been amplified since getting sick..

No light bulb coming on here. I knew… I knew immediately. A whole bunch of memories… They’d been coming up every now and then over the past couple of months – little things, here and there… And, it’s not like I’d participate in a lot of energy with them, but I didn’t “look” at them when they occurred. I was almost dismissive – not giving attention to the underlying emotional attachment.

I’ve considered for a while, now, that I’ve done a pretty good job of “letting go” – through self-forgiveness releasing the emotional charge(s) I had accepted and allowed my mind to create and attach to so many memories – even ones I had imagined might happen, or might have happened, if Cathy were still alive. But these little memories have been popping up – physical memories – of little things I still “missed” like: holding hands; her caress; how she’d put her hand on my face; what a good kisser she was… lots of little things like that – each bearing a subtle hint of sadness So, while I was listening to the interview, I realized that I had to face everything I “miss”, as each and every one of those “missings” was an emotional attachment to a memory – and, oh, by the way, allowing that relationship to exist has affected my physical body’s ability to heal itself…

My mind didn’t really want to do this, but I knew that I needed to face these memories, forgive them, and let them go – like right now – I couldn’t put it off, or tell myself
I’d write it out later… Nope. This had to be done NOW. So, I stood up and directed myself to speak out loud any and every “thing” that came up that I “missed “- from the way she’d bite her lip when she was focusing on something (like she was the very first time I ever saw her), to how she’d snuggle up against me in bed when it was cold… And, for everything that came up, I sounded self-forgiveness, for accepting and allowing myself to create then perpetuate the emotions and /or feelings – that emotional charge – attached to the memory. It was an emotional process – my mind was fighting it all the way – every time I brought up another memory / something else I’ve “missed”, my mind was like Noooo, Not That! – it wanted to hang on to that energetic charge. And with almost every memory that came up, I had a good cry, too – a letting go kind of cry. It turned out to be liberating, as I had to look deep within myself to identify, forgive and discharge these emotions and feelings viruses, expanding self-awareness in the process….

Soon after Cathy’s death, a dear friend had recommended that any time a memory came up where I “miss her”, to stop, take a breath, and remember or consider that Miss Her = Me Is Her, and let that serve as a reminder of who she was and had become – the principles she embraced and stood as an example – the perspectives she shared. That’s what lives on in us..  And that recommendation has helped me tremendously over these months…   I hadn’t forgotten it – but I had avoided facing the emotional attachment I still had to so many memories… Now, having faced those emotions and feelings, I see those events as bits and pieces – each a gift – within the Gift our relationship and partnership was, all for which I am most grateful… And as a result of this process, I’m now able to let Her go…

To be continued….

Thanks for reading.

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

 

35 Is it a Wonderful Life?

When I was a freshman in college – 1972-’73 school year – I had this quote posted on the wall in my dorm room:

“I know that you believe you understand what you think I said,

but I’m not sure you realize that what you heard is not what I meant.”

(Years later, I found out it was attributed to children’s books author and illustrator Robert McCloskey.)

Prominently displayed amidst pictures of Sports Illustrated swimsuit models and some blacklight posters, it was viewed as Orwellian double-speak by some, totally misunderstood by others, but made sense to a few. Needless to say, it sparked numerous conversations… But, mainly it served as a reminder for me to Listen to what others were saying – to not get ahead of myself and be thinking about what I wanted to say before they were finished talking, as well as to be clear in what I said – to say what I meant and to mean what I said…

I had learned that choosing our words – both verbal and written – was the key to real communication – and along with tone and body language, could change an “argument” into a “discussion”. Of course, I had also learned that my/our words can be used to help, to hurt, to belittle, to intimidate, to motivate, to convince, as well as disguise the intended message. I could, and did, use my words in each of those contexts. I’m not proud of the fact that I deliberately caused another to feel “less than” – that I often times had said/wrote something to make me feel superior in some way – and Justified it within my own mind – and repeated such behavior for years.

I hadn’t thought of this quote for a long time until in a recent situation where something that was said triggered a reaction – then, a follow-up comment was totally and completely misinterpreted due to still being within that reactive state. So, I was looking at situations where I had done this – which, admittedly, was many times – when this familiar quote came to mind.

A little later, I had turned on the tv as I was on my way to the kitchen to fix some dinner so I could hear the weather report for the next day – I knew it would be coming on in a little while. Not surprisingly, It’s a Wonderful Life, the classic Christmas movie, was playing for the umpteenth time this year. I always liked James Stewart (after all, both my parents liked him.  lol )   Couldn’t tell you how many times I’ve seen the movie – but it’s a lot…  It was at the part where Clarence tells George what a great gift he had been given – to see what things would have been like if he hadn’t been born – so George could see the impact his life had had on so many others. And, I thought, indeed, what a Gift that would be. Unfortunately, none of Us will receive That gift until after we Die – after we cross over and go through our Death Process and our Life Review, where we will see who we were within every memory of our entire lifetime.

However, we can, in This life, have a look at our interactions with others – in self-honesty – and review for our self how we have influenced the lives of others, even in the little, seemingly insignificant moments. Did I really Listen to the words of another, and Hear the meaning of what they’re trying to say? Did I allow myself to go into a reactive state about something that I heard, or read, and Miss part of the message? Did I speak clearly enough so that the listener Understood what I was trying to say? Did I use my words to assist or uplift? Or, did I use my words to belittle or hurt? Was I open and honest, or closed minded and deceitful? Did I get all wrapped up in my ego of self-righteousness? Or, did I look upon every being that crossed my path as equal and one with me?

This is the Christmas season – the season of Giving – where many take to heart the words of Jesus: Do unto others as you would have them do unto you – to Give as You would like to Receive (if You were in Their shoes). And while we can’t give everyone a gift that requires money being spent, we can gift ourselves to others – with kindness, attention, or simply acknowledgment – just as we each would like to receive – if we were in their shoes.. And, what if we carried this with us throughout the year – not just during the Christmas season?

James Stewart, Donna Reed, and Karolyn Grimes in It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)

Is it a Wonderful Life? And is it Wonderful for All Life? It could be. It starts with us – with our words – not only within our expression of Who We Are in our interactions with others, but within our Own thoughts, as well…  And if we truly believe in that principle – to Give as We would like to Receive – then the only way this can truly BE a Wonderful Life, is When it IS Wonderful – for All Life….

Thanks for reading.

More to come….

 

SOUL –  The School of Ultimate Living is an online community of people interested in
discovering and developing their utmost potential
eqafe.com – Invest in a wide range of Interviews and Support yourself to Self Perfection
Journey To Life Blogs – Read the blogs from those walking the 7 year journey to life.
Self and Living – Practical Living Support To Live to Your Utmost Potential
DIP Lite – Free Online Course to get you started with learning the Tools of Self Support
DIP PRO -A Desteni Course for those Ready to Walk the Journey to Life

 

 

 

 

Day 34 Who’s Better?

While reading this excellent blog: Putting Others Down to Feel Better about Ourselves. DAY 322, I was able to see how I do/did/have done this myself – putting others down to make myself look better – to myself – in my own mind. Really. Looking simplistically at every memory/example that came up, that’s all it ever really was about – making myself look better to myself – reinforcing a self-definition that I was “better than” someone else in some way.
But, “putting others down” isn’t nice. When you say it like that, most of us would consider it downright mean. That’s no way to act toward another. And, I always considered myself to be a nice person. Inevitably, questions came up within me: where did I learn this? How did it come to pass that it became OK in my mind, for me to criticize or belittle another, sometimes hiding cruelty within humor? I didn’t like the answers that came up, either.
What I realized is that I learned and started treating people like this at a young age. I hesitate to say that it was a sort of survival mechanism for me but, it “kinda” was… Growing up with lots of sibling – 7 brothers (5 older) and 4 sisters – there were rules. Fighting – physically fighting/hitting – was a no-no. Picking on younger siblings – yeah, that could get you in trouble, too. Suffice it to say there was a lot of discipline and lots of ways/ reasons we could get in trouble and get punished. But, as long as we didn’t get caught by our parents, I learned that sometimes a little passive aggressive verbal taunting or belittling could make someone else lose his cool and say or do something that would get him in trouble. Of course, this was a form of retaliation on my part – because someone had been mean to me or something – to simply make me “feel better” about myself and get some revenge-type of satisfaction.
It’s almost shocking to admit that I’ve been guilty of this type of behavior so many times. What’s even more shocking is realizing that just about everyone has done it at some point. Sadly, it’s not only accepted behavior in some circles – it’s expected and rewarded – as seen on TV a la Fox News et al – while oh so many don’t even realize what they’re doing – unfortunately it’s become an ingrainedbehavior, reinforced by its acceptance as normal.
When I first read the title of Anna’s blog: Putting Others Down to Feel Better about Ourselves, I immediately saw myself within those words and said – out loud – man, I’ve done that before. Then, after looking at this point and seeing the many different dimensions within which I have participated – at home ( as a child and as an adult – with siblings, kids and partners), at work, at school, at the mall, at the store, driving – it seems the list can go on endlessly – that I could almost pick any situation involving me and at least one other person, and there was probably an instance where I’ve done it – even if I didn’t say anything out loud, I’ve done it in my mind – to fulfill that ingrained competitive urge to see myself as “better than” someone/something – casting judgment, comparing, belittling-all because I wanted to feel better about myself at that moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ‘better than’ anyone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it was possible to be ‘better than’ another.
Now, for any nitpicker that might read this and say it’s possible to be better AT something than another person is, OK, I’ll give you that – an individual can acquire skills that another doesn’t have that might make them better at performing a specific task. But, what I’m talking about is how we’ve made this “putting people down” personal – we attack the individual on a personal level .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say spiteful things to/about another, in order to make myself feel better about myself, instead of treating all others with dignity and respect within the principle of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ever have treated another as inferior to me in any way – and for purposely using words to intimidate another to make myself look better to me in mymind, instead of being willing to walk in the shoes of the other person in every instance where I cast judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disguise mean-spirited remarks within humor, which basically is a technique to keep from taking responsibility for my words because, if confronted, I could say that it was just a joke, even though I had really meant it in the spiteful way it was said.
When and as I see myself falling into this pattern of putting another down, or getting ready to make some spiteful smart-ass remark, I stop, and I focus on my breath for a brief moment and shift my bodyslightly to make sure that I’ve grounded myself physically, then look at and choose my words within the principle of equality, treating others as I want to be treated. And if the situation is reversed and I’m on the receiving end of a “put down” or spiteful remark, I stop, and I breathe, and I remind myself that whatever another says about me is really their deal – I can take a look at their words and see if there’s anything I can take from the remark that will assist and support me but, I choose and control how I react
So, I commit myself to remain aware when a situation occurs that might have triggered this type of behavior in the past, and to choose my words in accordance with what is best for all.

Day 33 – Partners With Cancer – Wading Through the Muck

Like most people, I believed that no long term cures for cancer had been found that could be provided to the masses. Worldwide, there are hundreds of organizations dedicated to cancer research that are always needing to raise MONEY so they can fund the research and testing – and millions and millions of dollars have been raised for the cause over the years. There’s Runs and Walks and all kinds of fundraising efforts devoted to raising money to find one so, there must not be any – cures, that is. Suffice it to say that I have a different perspective now than I used to have…
Having started researching alternative cancer treatments/therapies before we had heard the definitive diagnosis, it didn’t take long to find out that thousands of people had been cured – or had cured themselves – of cancer, using many different methods. I was intent on supporting my partner’s decision whatever it ended up being but, the prospect of double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation – the standard slash, poison and burn protocol – scared her more than it did me, and when she decided to look into alternatives, I experienced a sense of relief. At that point I still didn’t know a whole lot but, mainstream medicine’s track record for curing cancer is abysmal when you start looking at statistics so, I figured we couldn’t do any worse on our own.
Like every topic I’ve researched using the internet, picking where to start can be kind of intimidating because there are so many to choose from. Having become acquainted with a number of people through different Facebook groups, I joined and started looking at various posts in a few of the more than 1,000 cancer related groups on Facebook. Once that door is opened, there’s more information than one person can ever process so, you start wading through the muck – picking topics and following paths to see where they lead, then do that again and again until you feel that you’ve looked at this from a number of different directions/perspectives.
Probably what I found most amazing throughout this research is how much information has been suppressed regarding alternative cancer cures. Seriously, I had no clue that there were so damn many cures for cancer already found to be successful, with all of the propaganda we’re still bombarded with about finding a cure…
Who knew that a Canadian nurse, using an ancient Canadian Ojibway Indian herbal formula, cured thousands of people of cancer over more than 20 years of practice – before World War II?
Who knew that a dentist – sent home to die with liver and pancreatic cancer – developed a metabolic diet that cured his cancer and many thousands more over the last 35 years of his life?
Who knew that, for 40 years, a Texas doctor has been fighting the FDA and AMA to let him use his cancer cure?

Who knew that, from the late ‘50s through the ‘60s and ‘70s, the FDA harassed, raided, arrested, and confiscated equipment and supplies from cancer clinics throughout the US that had successfully cured cancerpatients using alternative methods?
Who knew that there are people (trolls) that are paid to find, debunk, discredit, invalidate and ridicule the authors of any articles, blogs and/or videos posted on the internet about successful alternative cancer therapies/treatments?
Who knew…?
I can’t tell you how many hours my partner spent before developing/deciding upon the basic hybrid protocol she’s been following the past 14 months, or how many times she’s ‘tweaked’ it, as she’s learned of different vitamins and supplements to assist her physical body in healing itself. But, the initial decision had to be made somewhat quickly – but certainly not hastily – looking into as many aspects as possible in a short period of time. After all, we had a diagnosis and had been presented with a course of action – double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation – and were being asked to finalize scheduling for a pet scan and surgery – the pet scan being used to locate any/all other cancerous tumors present and to identify any lymph node metastases. Oh yeah, add multiple lymph node removal and the prospect of lymphedema to go along with the more well know side effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. It didn’t take long to realize that there are indeed alternatives to the standard protocols – many, many alternatives, that have worked – yes, cured cancer – for many thousands of people over a long period of time.
The decision to cancel any further treatment was met with disappointment by the team of people assigned to my partner’s care as soon as she had her mammogram. These are caring people who did their jobs very well, firmly believing that the treatment plan they assist in administering will have the best possible outcome for their patients – and in their world they are probably as good as there are – but, that’s all they know – they’re unaware that successful alternative cancer therapies exist. They believe the propaganda – just like I did…
More to come…

Day 32 – Over and Over

I’m recognizing this re-occurring pattern where I – apparently – need to hear the same message over – and over – and over – then over again – not necessarily before I ‘get’ it but, before I walk the point for real. Whether it’s in our pre-programming or an accumulation of self-conditioning, I have had this tendency to judge and compare myself to the ideal characteristics, results or behavior for whatever topic is at the forefront of my attention at a given moment. In looking at this process of self-change, I have an idea as to the kind of person I want to become in the process of creating a world that is best for all and, even though I know that this will take me years to walk, I have consistently compared myself to where/who I want to be/become, instead of simply taking one step at a time, recognizing andgiving myself credit for each step taken – no matter how small or insignificant it may seem – simply because I took the step.
I was reminded of this – again – recently, while listening to yet another outstanding interview in the Life Review series available through EQAFE, “Defined by a Moment” , in discussing how to approach success – setting an aim for oneself, then to basically celebrate all of the small successes along the way – making every point, task, relationship or assignment a point of success. Too often, we judge our progress in comparison to where we are in relation to the end goal – our ultimate aim (which is still a long way away) – instead of recognizing and giving ourselves credit for even a slight movement in theright directions . Basically, we need to remember that: if progress is/can be measured in baby steps, then celebrate the progress made in those baby steps.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and compare myself to where I want to be in relation to the ‘big picture’ instead of remembering to recognize and take credit for the small accomplishments along the way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the magnitude of this process of self change, instead of keeping it in perspective – I am the result of the accumulation of many thousands of decisions over a long period of time so I must be patient with myself and allow myself time to change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my perception of ‘where I am’ in this process of self change in relation to others who are within their process, always assuming that, within the backchat in my mind, that I am not where I should be – that I am behind – that I’m not as good as… – instead of taking into account that every person’s process, while similar, is unique to eachindividual.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be critical of myself for getting behind or, not spending enough time on certain things, then beating myself up about it – in my mind – often creating a cycle where I don’t do anything – because I’m so far behind I can’t get caught up to where I need to be – instead of taking one baby step at a time, looking at points as they come up and addressing them right then with self-forgiveness and self-correction, then recognizing and giving myself credit for the progress and change directed in the moment.
When and as I see myself beginning to judge and compare where I am in this process of self change in relation to others or some definition I have in my mind, I stop and I breathe and I ground myself, and I remind myself that my process of self change is unique to me and cannot be judged in comparison to anyone else’s progress, and to identify/recognize and celebrate the small successes along the way.

 

Day 31 Comfort Zone

Hesitating to start, embarrassed and casting judgment upon myself for my lack of consistency, I sit with hands on keyboard questioning myself. Getting started is the hardest part – because writing about self-honestintrospection takes me out of my ‘comfort zone’. It’s not ‘comfortable’ to take a look at the results of my programming – my thoughts and feelings and emotions – the accumulation of thousands and thousands of ‘little’, seemingly insignificant decisions I’ve made throughout this life. There is no one else responsible for the me I’ve become – but me…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for and to myself for not following through on my commitment to write consistently.

Face Yourself Through Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘put off’ facing myself in self-honest introspection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘doing research’ – gaining knowledge and information – as justification for postponing writing instead of being self-disciplined enough to schedule my time so I could do both.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can work through this process without writing – believing that I can work through issues in the single dimension of my mind ( blogging in my head ) instead of realizing that the physical process of writing down points is the first step in looking at the different dimensions of my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rationalize participation within the energetic charge of thoughts and reactions.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to chase so many distractions, getting caught up in the energy of thoughts and reactions and being busy, instead of being self-disciplined enough to set aside timeeach day for self-honest introspection.
When and as I see myself slipping into a pattern of behavior where I allow excuses and/or distractions to divert my attention, I stop, and I breathe, I direct myself to physically shift my body slightly in order to “ground” myself – and I remind myself to stop and take a good self-honest look at who I am in relationship with the point(s) that I need to address, and to discipline myself to use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and self-corrective application, in this process of self change to move out of this ‘comfort zone’ I have created for myself.
I commit myself to be aware of and to stop patterns of excuses and/or distractions.
I commit myself to direct myself to take one step at a time, and look at who I am in relationship to the memories, decisions, relationships and consequences that I used to create my current definition of myself
More to come…

Bernard Poolman – Man of Principles

One week ago today, Sunday morning, August 11^th, 2013, I was busy in the kitchen and my partner had sat down in her chair and pulled her computer onto her lap – as I had seen her do hundreds of times.  Moments later, I heard her gasp and, as I turned toward her, heard an almost inaudible “Oh my…” as I saw her hands go to her face and in her facial expression I knew it was something serious.  Then she started reading the email:  “We are here to inform you that Bernard passed away in the early hours of Sunday the 11th of August…”   By that time, I was signing on to my computer and minutes later read, then re-read, the same email that had just been read to me.

My initial reaction was one of sadness.  I was sad for all of the people at the Desteni farm – his family and the Destonians that live there.  I was sad – selfishly – that I would never get to meet Bernard in person and shake his hand and give him a big hug.  I was sad for all of the Destonians scattered around the globe for the loss I figured each must be experiencing.  But most of all, I was sad for the world…  There have been but a handful of truly great men walk on this planet, and the world had just lost the greatest man I’d ever known – or known of…

I shed a few tears,  then, as I looked at this sadness, I also knew that B wouldn’t have wanted anyone to go into any kind of pity-party due to his passing.   (After all, twenty-something-thousand children die every single day due to preventable causes – lack of food, poor sanitation, and no access to clean water – to name a few.)  No, he wouldn’t have it – I knew that.  He had provided his family – and everyone in Desteni – with all of the support and preparation they’d need to carry on after he was gone from this physical existence and, it is now up to Us to carry on – to continue spreading the message of equality to the world.

Bernard led the way – and he was a leader unlike any other leader we see in our world today.   Where most of today’s so-called leaders – be they in government, corporations or religions – just give lip service to principles, Bernard Poolman Lived principles.  He lived his words.  There was never any doubt of where Bernard Poolman stood on any issue and it was – and is – oh, so simple:   he Always chose What’s Best for All.

I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve either read or heard these words from Bernard:

• Investigate All things and keep that which is good.
• Give as you would like to Receive (or)
• Do to another as you would have them do to you, and
• Love your Neighbor as yourself.

With the tools of Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, and Self-corrective application, to help each of us see and figure out how we are responsible for – and have created – this world through our acceptances and allowances, Bernard showed us how to live these principles.  And it will be through Living these Principles that we will one day create Heaven on Earth.

If I would have had the opportunity to say one more thing to Bernard it would simply have been:  Thank You.  That’s it.  He dedicated his life to creating a world that’s Best for All – Always and in All Ways – and was still doing just that when he died.  And, for that – the principles by which he Lived his Life – I am eternally grateful.

Day 30: Partners with Cancer – Day 1 – Holy Crap!

Almost 3 months ago, my Partner told me that her doctor recommended that she go in for a mammogram.  She then disclosed that she had found a lump in her breast and asked her doctor to check it.  That was the first ‘Holy Crap’ moment…  I didn’t hear anything else she said for a few moments…

It is absolutely amazing how fast our mind can take a piece of information and run through multiple scenarios and possible outcomes.  The only thing I knew for sure – right then – was that I didn’t “know enough” and, that I needed to do some serious research.  Later that evening, found over 290 million results to first Google search for “Breast Cancer”.  Another ‘Holy Crap’ moment.

The doctor said sometimes tumors ‘like this’ were benign but, this needed to be checked.  And so it began – the processing of the cancer patient.  Mammogram scheduled for the following  week.

Considered that maybe I should wait until we get some results before I get totally immersed in doing research.  After all, if it’s some benign tumor, I will have done a bunch of research for nothing.  Then, figured what the hell – I need to ‘know’…

Mammogram gets done.  Result = need to do a biopsy.  OK.  Biopsy scheduled for the following Tuesday.  Waffling on the research, now…  Should I or shouldn’t I?  There’s SO MUCH information – everything from doom and gloom to rainbows and sunshine.  Choose to continue…

I take day off from work because my partner will have some restrictions – no lifting, driving, etc. – after the biopsy.  Ultrasound has to be done first so the depth can be determined for setting the biopsy instrument correctly.  After the biopsy, we’re careful the rest of the day.  Granddaughter doesn’t understand why her Nanna can’t pick her up…

The next afternoon, ‘C’ calls me at work and tells me that the Breast Center called with the results and that it IS cancer.  Another ‘Holy Crap’ moment…  Next step:  schedule appointment with surgeon – which gets set up for the following Tuesday.  And, need to have a MRI and another ultrasound done before that appointment.

Now, it’s full speed ahead with my cancer research – we have a diagnosis .

I didn’t say anything to my partner but, I was NOT looking forward to meeting with the surgeon.  After all, what do surgeons do?  They OPERATE on people.  It seemed like a long week with the anticipation.  When we met with the surgeon, he genuinely seemed to be a nice man.  He did another ultrasound in order to get another measurement of the tumor then proceeded to explain our options.  His recommendation:  complete double mastectomy, then chemotherapy, then radiation.  Holy Crap!

As implied by the title, I will be sharing my perspective of this journey with my partner – the choices and decisions we have faced thus far and, those yet to confront us.   I will also share my perspective of seeing/viewing the necessity of our being/becoming a Partner with Cancer within this process of healing my partner’s physical body.  Additionally, I will look at how a $160 billion industry has evolved as a result of capitalism’s Partnership with Cancer as well as the possibilities that the implementation of the Equal Money System proposed by Desteni will bring to cancer treatment options in the future.  So, there’s more to come…

For additional perspectives, see:

Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Four Laws of Cancer – Day 23

Day 381: Don’t Blame Me! I have a Disease!

Captain’s Log Journey to Life

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Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Day 29: Conceptualizing my Mind Room

Much of my world within this three dimensional existence has to do with the spatial qualities or requirements of ‘stuff’. Yes, size matters – especially when you’re involved in warehousing. So, conceptualizing this MindRoom of mine – even though it’s in the dimension of the mind – and realizing the volumes of worthless, senseless crap that I have accumulated over all these years – is a little on the overwhelming side. I’ve always been a good ‘packer’. Whether it’s packing a car/truck/trailer for a camping trip, a rental moving truck/van, a storage unit, or warehouse space, I can get a whole lot of ‘stuff’ in a limited amount of space. So, within and as this packer character, I have had this tendency to imagine my Mind Room as if it were 3D and the past couple of days I’ve caught myself fucking with myself – as thoughts in my mind – with thoughts and ideas such as: just think how much stuff I’ve packed away in this mind room; there’s so much in this mind room and the way I pack, I’ll never get through it; and, that there’s no end to it – it’s limitless…
I’m seeing this as kinda like going to a storage unit that I’ve had for years but haven’t looked in for a long, long time, opening the garage-type door and standing there looking in wondering where to start. It’s obvious that it’s full but, I can’t really tell how big it is. I didn’t keep track of everything that I put into it. There’s a hint of familiarity – I can tell that I packed it and it’s full of boxes I recognize. But, none of the boxes are labeled and I won’t have any idea what’s in each until I open it and have a look at its contents. Some of the boxes will be repacks – where I would have consolidated some smaller boxes into larger boxes so stuff would ‘fit’ better. I’ve even considered that it might be like the never-ending file drawer I’ve seen in movies (Beeltejuice & Bruce Almight) where the drawer just keeps coming and coming and coming out of this seemingly normal file cabinet, and that the more I pull out of it and go through it there will be more to take it’s place.
However, I’ve just had to stop and look at this ‘feeling’ of being overwhelmed with a little bit of common sense about how the secret mind works. I know that my mind likes being in control and really would like for me to continue being its slave – and certainly doesn’t want me to become the directive principle in my life and clean up my Mind Room. I also know that throughout my life, there are/have been patterns in how I’ve existed and, that those patterns have repeated themselves over and over and over. So, it’s not like I have to re-live every moment to clean this stuff up. As I take a self-honest, introspective look at the different patterns within which I have existed, I won’t necessarily have to look at every single moment I’ve ever existed within a given pattern. In facing self and applying self-forgiveness for my acceptances and allowances within the patterns I have walked this life – whether they have been repeated a few times or a hundred – through self-corrective application one can face a pattern head on – and transcend it – without re-living every occurrence one existed in that pattern in one’s life… I know there will be times that I time-loop and have to face a pattern more than once but, that will be because there was something about it that I missed or didn’t face in self-honesty. But, this isn’t like opening a box and assuming that I know all of the contents by glancing at what’s on top – it will require digging down into it – that self-honest introspection – and addressing it accordingly…
This will be a journey – a Journey to Life. Indeed…
Again, I highly recommend that one read the Journey to Life blogs listed under “Blogroll” here on this page and, check out the free self-perfection merchandise on EQAFE. And, if you’re ready to start cleaning up your “Mind Room” join us at the Desteni Forum to find out how – so together we can become co-creators of a world that’s Best for All.

Day 28: Cleaning our “Mind Room”

On my way home from work this evening, I was listening to the “Demons in the Afterlife – Part 13” interview – which, by the way, is yet another fabulous interview series available at EQAFE – and at one part of the interview, an analogy was made looking at our “mind” as a “room”, pointing out that the difference between this room and the room /house/apartment we physically live in is that we never clean this one up. I had to chuckle a little bit because I realized how true that is. We’ll go to great lengths cleaning, arranging and organizing, and getting rid of old stuff as we replace it with new in our physical home. But, we NEVER take the time to clean up our “mind room”. And I whole heartedly agreed to the comment that the first room a child “should be taught to clean is their “Mind Room” and within that, practically physically relate it to their own physical room – cleaning the inside and the outside equal and one”.

Really, when I stopped to consider that I’m a few months past my 58th birthday and, I haven’t ever really ‘cleaned’ my “Mind Room” and oh, what a mess it has become. Imagine going that long in your house without ever cleaning up – throwing out the garbage, or washing the dishes, or washing the windows, or sweeping and mopping the floor, or just tidying up putting things away. Can you imagine that? I mean, I’ve been alive in this physical form for approximately 21,275 days. I’ve accumulated a lot of crap in that length of time. Every thought, fantasy, memory, every opinion made, heard, seen or read, every energetic experience, every physical experience , not to mention all the brainwashing… I’ve read that every time we blink our mind is taking a snapshot. Well, we blink 12-15 times a minute – at 12 times per minute, let’s say I was only awake 16 hours a day – that’s 11,520 images my mind captured every day along with any thoughts, feelings and emotions attached to each. Multiply that by 21,275 days and that’s over 245 million images that have been stored in my mind – amongst all the other clutter that has accumulated. It’s hard to even fathom just how badly my “Mind Room” needs to be cleaned. But, that’s what this process will assist and enable me to do. That’s why it’s a minimum 7 year process for those that are consistent – which is something I haven’t been and, was kind of down on myself for not being. But, the thing is, we’re all in process in this life whether we realize it or not. We each have this life to figure this out – how to become equal and one with this physical existence – through self-honesty and self-forgiveness – instead of the energetic existence we’ve existed in within our minds. So, bit by bit, I’ll go about cleaning my “Mind Room”.

For whoever reads this, if you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading the Journey to Life blogs listed – there are so many great blogs. Also, check out the self-improvement products and interview series available at EQAFE. And, if you’re ready to start cleaning up your “Mind Room” join us at Desteni to find out how – so together we can become co-creators of a world that’s Best for All.