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Day 34 Who’s Better?

While reading this excellent blog: Putting Others Down to Feel Better about Ourselves. DAY 322, I was able to see how I do/did/have done this myself – putting others down to make myself look better – to myself – in my own mind. Really. Looking simplistically at every memory/example that came up, that’s all it ever really was about – making myself look better to myself – reinforcing a self-definition that I was “better than” someone else in some way.
But, “putting others down” isn’t nice. When you say it like that, most of us would consider it downright mean. That’s no way to act toward another. And, I always considered myself to be a nice person. Inevitably, questions came up within me: where did I learn this? How did it come to pass that it became OK in my mind, for me to criticize or belittle another, sometimes hiding cruelty within humor? I didn’t like the answers that came up, either.
What I realized is that I learned and started treating people like this at a young age. I hesitate to say that it was a sort of survival mechanism for me but, it “kinda” was… Growing up with lots of sibling – 7 brothers (5 older) and 4 sisters – there were rules. Fighting – physically fighting/hitting – was a no-no. Picking on younger siblings – yeah, that could get you in trouble, too. Suffice it to say there was a lot of discipline and lots of ways/ reasons we could get in trouble and get punished. But, as long as we didn’t get caught by our parents, I learned that sometimes a little passive aggressive verbal taunting or belittling could make someone else lose his cool and say or do something that would get him in trouble. Of course, this was a form of retaliation on my part – because someone had been mean to me or something – to simply make me “feel better” about myself and get some revenge-type of satisfaction.
It’s almost shocking to admit that I’ve been guilty of this type of behavior so many times. What’s even more shocking is realizing that just about everyone has done it at some point. Sadly, it’s not only accepted behavior in some circles – it’s expected and rewarded – as seen on TV a la Fox News et al – while oh so many don’t even realize what they’re doing – unfortunately it’s become an ingrainedbehavior, reinforced by its acceptance as normal.
When I first read the title of Anna’s blog: Putting Others Down to Feel Better about Ourselves, I immediately saw myself within those words and said – out loud – man, I’ve done that before. Then, after looking at this point and seeing the many different dimensions within which I have participated – at home ( as a child and as an adult – with siblings, kids and partners), at work, at school, at the mall, at the store, driving – it seems the list can go on endlessly – that I could almost pick any situation involving me and at least one other person, and there was probably an instance where I’ve done it – even if I didn’t say anything out loud, I’ve done it in my mind – to fulfill that ingrained competitive urge to see myself as “better than” someone/something – casting judgment, comparing, belittling-all because I wanted to feel better about myself at that moment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to see myself as ‘better than’ anyone else.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that it was possible to be ‘better than’ another.
Now, for any nitpicker that might read this and say it’s possible to be better AT something than another person is, OK, I’ll give you that – an individual can acquire skills that another doesn’t have that might make them better at performing a specific task. But, what I’m talking about is how we’ve made this “putting people down” personal – we attack the individual on a personal level .
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to say spiteful things to/about another, in order to make myself feel better about myself, instead of treating all others with dignity and respect within the principle of doing unto others as you would have them do unto you.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to ever have treated another as inferior to me in any way – and for purposely using words to intimidate another to make myself look better to me in mymind, instead of being willing to walk in the shoes of the other person in every instance where I cast judgment.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to disguise mean-spirited remarks within humor, which basically is a technique to keep from taking responsibility for my words because, if confronted, I could say that it was just a joke, even though I had really meant it in the spiteful way it was said.
When and as I see myself falling into this pattern of putting another down, or getting ready to make some spiteful smart-ass remark, I stop, and I focus on my breath for a brief moment and shift my bodyslightly to make sure that I’ve grounded myself physically, then look at and choose my words within the principle of equality, treating others as I want to be treated. And if the situation is reversed and I’m on the receiving end of a “put down” or spiteful remark, I stop, and I breathe, and I remind myself that whatever another says about me is really their deal – I can take a look at their words and see if there’s anything I can take from the remark that will assist and support me but, I choose and control how I react
So, I commit myself to remain aware when a situation occurs that might have triggered this type of behavior in the past, and to choose my words in accordance with what is best for all.

Like most people, I believed that no long term cures for cancer had been found that could be provided to the masses. Worldwide, there are hundreds of organizations dedicated to cancer research that are always needing to raise MONEY so they can fund the research and testing – and millions and millions of dollars have been raised for the cause over the years. There’s Runs and Walks and all kinds of fundraising efforts devoted to raising money to find one so, there must not be any – cures, that is. Suffice it to say that I have a different perspective now than I used to have…
Having started researching alternative cancer treatments/therapies before we had heard the definitive diagnosis, it didn’t take long to find out that thousands of people had been cured – or had cured themselves – of cancer, using many different methods. I was intent on supporting my partner’s decision whatever it ended up being but, the prospect of double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation – the standard slash, poison and burn protocol – scared her more than it did me, and when she decided to look into alternatives, I experienced a sense of relief. At that point I still didn’t know a whole lot but, mainstream medicine’s track record for curing cancer is abysmal when you start looking at statistics so, I figured we couldn’t do any worse on our own.
Like every topic I’ve researched using the internet, picking where to start can be kind of intimidating because there are so many to choose from. Having become acquainted with a number of people through different Facebook groups, I joined and started looking at various posts in a few of the more than 1,000 cancer related groups on Facebook. Once that door is opened, there’s more information than one person can ever process so, you start wading through the muck – picking topics and following paths to see where they lead, then do that again and again until you feel that you’ve looked at this from a number of different directions/perspectives.
destroyersProbably what I found most amazing throughout this research is how much information has been suppressed regarding alternative cancer cures. Seriously, I had no clue that there were so damn many cures for cancer already found to be successful, with all of the propaganda we’re still bombarded with about finding a cure…
Who knew that a Canadian nurse, using an ancient Canadian Ojibway Indian herbal formula, cured thousands of people of cancer over more than 20 years of practice – before World War II?
Who knew that a dentist – sent home to die with liver and pancreatic cancer – developed a metabolic diet that cured his cancer and many thousands more over the last 35 years of his life?
Who knew that, for 40 years, a Texas doctor has been fighting the FDA and AMA to let him use his cancer cure?
Who knew that, from the late ‘50s through the ‘60s and ‘70s, the FDA harassed, raided, arrested, and confiscated equipment and supplies from cancer clinics throughout the US that had successfully cured cancerpatients using alternative methods?
Who knew that there are people (trolls) that are paid to find, debunk, discredit, invalidate and ridicule the authors of any articles, blogs and/or videos posted on the internet about successful alternative cancer therapies/treatments?
Who knew…?
I can’t tell you how many hours my partner spent before developing/deciding upon the basic hybrid protocol she’s been following the past 14 months, or how many times she’s ‘tweaked’ it, as she’s learned of different vitamins and supplements to assist her physical body in healing itself. But, the initial decision had to be made somewhat quickly – but certainly not hastily – looking into as many aspects as possible in a short period of time. After all, we had a diagnosis and had been presented with a course of action – double mastectomy, chemotherapy and radiation – and were being asked to finalize scheduling for a pet scan and surgery – the pet scan being used to locate any/all other cancerous tumors present and to identify any lymph node metastases. Oh yeah, add multiple lymph node removal and the prospect of lymphedema to go along with the more well know side effects of chemotherapy and radiation treatments. It didn’t take long to realize that there are indeed alternatives to the standard protocols – many, many alternatives, that have worked – yes, cured cancer – for many thousands of people over a long period of time.
The decision to cancel any further treatment was met with disappointment by the team of people assigned to my partner’s care as soon as she had her mammogram. These are caring people who did their jobs very well, firmly believing that the treatment plan they assist in administering will have the best possible outcome for their patients – and in their world they are probably as good as there are – but, that’s all they know – they’re unaware that successful alternative cancer therapies exist. They believe the propaganda – just like I did…
More to come…
I’m recognizing this re-occurring pattern where I – apparently – need to hear the same message over – and over – and over – then over again – not necessarily before I ‘get’ it but, before I walk the point for real. Whether it’s in our pre-programming or an accumulation of self-conditioning, I have had this tendency to judge and compare myself to the ideal characteristics, results or behavior for whatever topic is at the forefront of my attention at a given moment. In looking at this process of self-change, I have an idea as to the kind of person I want to become in the process of creating a world that is best for all and, even though I know that this will take me years to walk, I have consistently compared myself to where/who I want to be/become, instead of simply taking one step at a time, recognizing andgiving myself credit for each step taken – no matter how small or insignificant it may seem – simply because I took the step.
Emancipate YourselfI was reminded of this – again – recently, while listening to yet another outstanding interview in the Life Review series available through EQAFE, “Defined by a Moment” , in discussing how to approach success – setting an aim for oneself, then to basically celebrate all of the small successes along the way – making every point, task, relationship or assignment a point of success. Too often, we judge our progress in comparison to where we are in relation to the end goal – our ultimate aim (which is still a long way away) – instead of recognizing and giving ourselves credit for even a slight movement in theright directions . Basically, we need to remember that: if progress is/can be measured in baby steps, then celebrate the progress made in those baby steps.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to judge and compare myself to where I want to be in relation to the ‘big picture’ instead of remembering to recognize and take credit for the small accomplishments along the way.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to become overwhelmed by the magnitude of this process of self change, instead of keeping it in perspective – I am the result of the accumulation of many thousands of decisions over a long period of time so I must be patient with myself and allow myself time to change.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to compare my perception of ‘where I am’ in this process of self change in relation to others who are within their process, always assuming that, within the backchat in my mind, that I am not where I should be – that I am behind – that I’m not as good as… – instead of taking into account that every person’s process, while similar, is unique to eachindividual.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to be critical of myself for getting behind or, not spending enough time on certain things, then beating myself up about it – in my mind – often creating a cycle where I don’t do anything – because I’m so far behind I can’t get caught up to where I need to be – instead of taking one baby step at a time, looking at points as they come up and addressing them right then with self-forgiveness and self-correction, then recognizing and giving myself credit for the progress and change directed in the moment.
When and as I see myself beginning to judge and compare where I am in this process of self change in relation to others or some definition I have in my mind, I stop and I breathe and I ground myself, and I remind myself that my process of self change is unique to me and cannot be judged in comparison to anyone else’s progress, and to identify/recognize and celebrate the small successes along the way.


Day 31 Comfort Zone

Hesitating to start, embarrassed and casting judgment upon myself for my lack of consistency, I sit with hands on keyboard questioning myself. Getting started is the hardest part – because writing about self-honestintrospection takes me out of my ‘comfort zone’. It’s not ‘comfortable’ to take a look at the results of my programming – my thoughts and feelings and emotions – the accumulation of thousands and thousands of ‘little’, seemingly insignificant decisions I’ve made throughout this life. There is no one else responsible for the me I’ve become – but me…
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to make excuses for and to myself for not following through on my commitment to write consistently.

Face Yourself Through Self-Forgiveness

Face Yourself Through Self-Forgiveness

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to ‘put off’ facing myself in self-honest introspection.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to use ‘doing research’ – gaining knowledge and information – as justification for postponing writing instead of being self-disciplined enough to schedule my time so I could do both.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to believe that I can work through this process without writing – believing that I can work through issues in the single dimension of my mind ( blogging in my head ) instead of realizing that the physical process of writing down points is the first step in looking at the different dimensions of my thoughts, feelings and emotions.
I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to rationalize participation within the energetic charge of thoughts and reactions.
I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to chase so many distractions, getting caught up in the energy of thoughts and reactions and being busy, instead of being self-disciplined enough to set aside timeeach day for self-honest introspection.
When and as I see myself slipping into a pattern of behavior where I allow excuses and/or distractions to divert my attention, I stop, and I breathe, I direct myself to physically shift my body slightly in order to “ground” myself – and I remind myself to stop and take a good self-honest look at who I am in relationship with the point(s) that I need to address, and to discipline myself to use the tools of writing, self-forgiveness, self-commitment statements and self-corrective application, in this process of self change to move out of this ‘comfort zone’ I have created for myself.
commit myself to be aware of and to stop patterns of excuses and/or distractions.
I commit myself to direct myself to take one step at a time, and look at who I am in relationship to the memoriesdecisionsrelationships and consequences that I used to create my current definition of myself
More to come…

One week ago today, Sunday morning, August 11th, 2013, I was busy in the kitchen and my partner had sat down in her chair and pulled her computer onto her lap – as I had seen her do hundreds of times.  Moments later, I heard her gasp and, as I turned toward her, heard an almost inaudible “Oh my…” as I saw her hands go to her face and in her facial expression I knew it was something serious.  Then she started reading the email:  “We are here to inform you that Bernard passed away in the early hours of Sunday the 11th of August…”   By that time, I was signing on to my computer and minutes later read, then re-read, the same email that had just been read to me.

Self-forgiveness-BPMy initial reaction was one of sadness.  I was sad for all of the people at the Desteni farm – his family and the Destonians that live there.  I was sad – selfishly – that I would never get to meet Bernard in person and shake his hand and give him a big hug.  I was sad for all of the Destonians scattered around the globe for the loss I figured each must be experiencing.  But most of all, I was sad for the world…  There have been but a handful of truly great men walk on this planet, and the world had just lost the greatest man I’d ever known – or known of…

I shed a few tears,  then, as I looked at this sadness, I also knew that B wouldn’t have wanted anyone to go into any kind of pity-party due to his passing.   (After all, twenty-something-thousand children die every single day due to preventable causes – lack of food, poor sanitation, and no access to clean water – to name a few.)  No, he wouldn’t have it – I knew that.  He had provided his family – and everyone in Desteni – with all of the support and preparation they’d need to carry on after he was gone from this physical existence and, it is now up to Us to carry on – to continue spreading the message of equality to the world.

Bernard led the way – and he was a leader unlike any other leader we see in our world today.   Where most of today’s so-called leaders – be they in government, corporations or religions – just give lip service to principles, Bernard Poolman Lived principles.  He lived his words.  There was never any doubt of where Bernard Poolman stood on any issue and it was – and is – oh, so simple:   he Always chose What’s Best for All.

I couldn’t count the number of times I’ve either read or heard these words from Bernard:

  • Investigate All things and keep that which is good.
  • Give as you would like to Receive (or)
  • Do to another as you would have them do to you, and
  • Love your Neighbor as yourself.

With the tools of Self-honesty, Self-forgiveness, and Self-corrective application, to help each of us see and figure out how we are responsible for – and have created – this world through our acceptances and allowances, Bernard showed us how to live these principles.  And it will be through Living these Principles that we will one day create Heaven on Earth.

If I would have had the opportunity to say one more thing to Bernard it would simply have been:  Thank You.  That’s it.  He dedicated his life to creating a world that’s Best for All – Always and in All Ways – and was still doing just that when he died.  And, for that – the principles by which he Lived his Life – I am eternally grateful.

Almost 3 months ago, my Partner told me that her doctor recommended that she go in for a mammogram.  She then disclosed that she had found a lump in her breast and asked her doctor to check it.  That was the first ‘Holy Crap’ moment…  I didn’t hear anything else she said for a few moments…

It is absolutely amazing how fast our mind can take a piece of information and run through multiple scenarios and possible outcomes.  The only thing I knew for sure – right then – was that I didn’t “know enough” and, that I needed to do some serious research.  Later that evening, found over 290 million results to first Google search for “Breast Cancer”.  Another ‘Holy Crap’ moment.

The doctor said sometimes tumors ‘like this’ were benign but, this needed to be checked.  And so it began – the processing of the cancer patient.  Mammogram scheduled for the following  week.

Considered that maybe I should wait until we get some results before I get totally immersed in doing research.  After all, if it’s some benign tumor, I will have done a bunch of research for nothing.  Then, figured what the hell – I need to ‘know’…

mammogram_buttons_600Mammogram gets done.  Result = need to do a biopsy.  OK.  Biopsy scheduled for the following Tuesday.  Waffling on the research, now…  Should I or shouldn’t I?  There’s SO MUCH information – everything from doom and gloom to rainbows and sunshine.  Choose to continue…

I take day off from work because my partner will have some restrictions – no lifting, driving, etc. – after the biopsy.  Ultrasound has to be done first so the depth can be determined for setting the biopsy instrument correctly.  After the biopsy, we’re careful the rest of the day.  Granddaughter doesn’t understand why her Nanna can’t pick her up…

The next afternoon, ‘C’ calls me at work and tells me that the Breast Center called with the results and that it IS cancer.  Another ‘Holy Crap’ moment…  Next step:  schedule appointment with surgeon – which gets set up for the following Tuesday.  And, need to have a MRI and another ultrasound done before that appointment.

Now, it’s full speed ahead with my cancer research – we have a diagnosis .

I didn’t say anything to my partner but, I was NOT looking forward to meeting with the surgeon.  After all, what do surgeons do?  They OPERATE on people.  It seemed like a long week with the anticipation.  When we met with the surgeon, he genuinely seemed to be a nice man.  He did another ultrasound in order to get another measurement of the tumor then proceeded to explain our options.  His recommendation:  complete double mastectomy, then chemotherapy, then radiation.  Holy Crap!

As implied by the title, I will be sharing my perspective of this journey with my partner – the choices and decisions we have faced thus far and, those yet to confront us.   I will also share my perspective of seeing/viewing the necessity of our being/becoming a Partner with Cancer within this process of healing my partner’s physical body.  Additionally, I will look at how a $160 billion industry has evolved as a result of capitalism’s Partnership with Cancer as well as the possibilities that the implementation of the Equal Money System proposed by Desteni will bring to cancer treatment options in the future.  So, there’s more to come…

For additional perspectives, see:

Calling the Beast by it’s Name – Breast Cancer – The Four Laws of Cancer – Day 23

Day 381: Don’t Blame Me! I have a Disease!

Captain’s Log Journey to Life


Suggested blogs to follow:
Creation Journey to Life
Heaven Journey to Life
Earth Journey to Life
Economist Journey to Life

Change directionMuch of my world within this three dimensional existence has to do with the spatial qualities or requirements of ‘stuff’. Yes, size matters – especially when you’re involved in warehousing. So, conceptualizing this MindRoom of mine – even though it’s in the dimension of the mind – and realizing the volumes of worthless, senseless crap that I have accumulated over all these years – is a little on the overwhelming side. I’ve always been a good ‘packer’. Whether it’s packing a car/truck/trailer for a camping trip, a rental moving truck/van, a storage unit, or warehouse space, I can get a whole lot of ‘stuff’ in a limited amount of space. So, within and as this packer character, I have had this tendency to imagine my Mind Room as if it were 3D and the past couple of days I’ve caught myself fucking with myself – as thoughts in my mind – with thoughts and ideas such as: just think how much stuff I’ve packed away in this mind room; there’s so much in this mind room and the way I pack, I’ll never get through it; and, that there’s no end to it – it’s limitless…
I’m seeing this as kinda like going to a storage unit that I’ve had for years but haven’t looked in for a long, long time, opening the garage-type door and standing there looking in wondering where to start. It’s obvious that it’s full but, I can’t really tell how big it is. I didn’t keep track of everything that I put into it. There’s a hint of familiarity – I can tell that I packed it and it’s full of boxes I recognize. But, none of the boxes are labeled and I won’t have any idea what’s in each until I open it and have a look at its contents. Some of the boxes will be repacks – where I would have consolidated some smaller boxes into larger boxes so stuff would ‘fit’ better. I’ve even considered that it might be like the never-ending file drawer I’ve seen in movies (Beeltejuice & Bruce Almight) where the drawer just keeps coming and coming and coming out of this seemingly normal file cabinet, and that the more I pull out of it and go through it there will be more to take it’s place.
However, I’ve just had to stop and look at this ‘feeling’ of being overwhelmed with a little bit of common sense about how the secret mind works. I know that my mind likes being in control and really would like for me to continue being its slave – and certainly doesn’t want me to become the directive principle in my life and clean up my Mind Room. I also know that throughout my life, there are/have been patterns in how I’ve existed and, that those patterns have repeated themselves over and over and over. So, it’s not like I have to re-live every moment to clean this stuff up. As I take a self-honest, introspective look at the different patterns within which I have existed, I won’t necessarily have to look at every single moment I’ve ever existed within a given pattern. In facing self and applying self-forgiveness for my acceptances and allowances within the patterns I have walked this life – whether they have been repeated a few times or a hundred – through self-corrective application one can face a pattern head on – and transcend it – without re-living every occurrence one existed in that pattern in one’s life… I know there will be times that I time-loop and have to face a pattern more than once but, that will be because there was something about it that I missed or didn’t face in self-honesty. But, this isn’t like opening a box and assuming that I know all of the contents by glancing at what’s on top – it will require digging down into it – that self-honest introspection – and addressing it accordingly…
This will be a journey – a Journey to Life. Indeed…
Again, I highly recommend that one read the Journey to Life blogs listed under “Blogroll” here on this page and, check out the free self-perfection merchandise on EQAFE. And, if you’re ready to start cleaning up your “Mind Room” join us at the Desteni Forum to find out how – so together we can become co-creators of a world that’s Best for All.

Energy is never real

On my way home from work this evening, I was listening to the “Demons in the Afterlife – Part 13” interview – which, by the way, is yet another fabulous interview series available at EQAFE – and at one part of the interview, an analogy was made looking at our “mind” as a “room”, pointing out that the difference between this room and the room /house/apartment we physically live in is that we never clean this one up. I had to chuckle a little bit because I realized how true that is. We’ll go to great lengths cleaning, arranging and organizing, and getting rid of old stuff as we replace it with new in our physical home. But, we NEVER take the time to clean up our “mind room”. And I whole heartedly agreed to the comment that the first room a child “should be taught to clean is their “Mind Room” and within that, practically physically relate it to their own physical room – cleaning the inside and the outside equal and one”.

Really, when I stopped to consider that I’m a few months past my 58th birthday and, I haven’t ever really ‘cleaned’ my “Mind Room” and oh, what a mess it has become. Imagine going that long in your house without ever cleaning up – throwing out the garbage, or washing the dishes, or washing the windows, or sweeping and mopping the floor, or just tidying up putting things away. Can you imagine that? I mean, I’ve been alive in this physical form for approximately 21,275 days. I’ve accumulated a lot of crap in that length of time. Every thought, fantasy, memory, every opinion made, heard, seen or read, every energetic experience, every physical experience , not to mention all the brainwashing… I’ve read that every time we blink our mind is taking a snapshot. Well, we blink 12-15 times a minute – at 12 times per minute, let’s say I was only awake 16 hours a day – that’s 11,520 images my mind captured every day along with any thoughts, feelings and emotions attached to each. Multiply that by 21,275 days and that’s over 245 million images that have been stored in my mind – amongst all the other clutter that has accumulated. It’s hard to even fathom just how badly my “Mind Room” needs to be cleaned. But, that’s what this process will assist and enable me to do. That’s why it’s a minimum 7 year process for those that are consistent – which is something I haven’t been and, was kind of down on myself for not being. But, the thing is, we’re all in process in this life whether we realize it or not. We each have this life to figure this out – how to become equal and one with this physical existence – through self-honesty and self-forgiveness – instead of the energetic existence we’ve existed in within our minds. So, bit by bit, I’ll go about cleaning my “Mind Room”.

For whoever reads this, if you haven’t already, I highly recommend reading the Journey to Life blogs listed – there are so many great blogs. Also, check out the self-improvement products and interview series available at EQAFE. And, if you’re ready to start cleaning up your “Mind Room” join us at Desteni to find out how – so together we can become co-creators of a world that’s Best for All.

World Systems Exposed

“there is one system that decides and determines via humans everything that happens to every one in this world

from communication to food to travel to education to internet to relationships to religion

everything runs on money

yet humans belief that only things that cost no money is good and valuable as inner food

how foolish – that gives all the power to the control through money

unlikely that mankind will realize this before it is too late”

Bernard Poolman 01/01/2009


“Money is the manifestation of consciousness systems in this world that exist within all of humanity as one together in this world. Money as the manifestation of consciousness systems in this world that exist within all of humanity as one together – support enslavement, support separation and support survival. Money is the manifestation of that which human beings use in this world as the manifestation of survival…

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At work over the years, we have established time-tested ways of ‘doing things’. So, when training someone, I like to have an experienced person training that can explain the steps of whatever task it is, to the new person, so there is a complete understanding of all the steps. There’s no doubt that some repetitive tasks can be done differently but, we teach people how to do them a certain way because we’ve tried just about every possible method to do what we do and, while the newer person might have an idea to try, we probably aren’t doing it that way because it’s simply not as efficient as the way we are currently doing it, and I have to remind the less experienced that there is a reason for every step in the process – they’ve been thought out and worked through time and time again so, we need to stick to the procedures and not deviate without prior discussion. However, I also know that sometimes a new set of eyes will see things differently so, I still encourage staff to question our methods and it’s because of their input that we’ve been able to adapt to ‘do more with less’ over the years. The workload has increased year after year while the staffing levels have stayed the same so, we can’t afford to waste time or effort.

Art by Joe Kou

I have a tendency to approach repetitive tasks at home/outside of work similar to how I approach tasks at work – trying different methods until I find the process that just seems to ‘fit’ whatever it is I’m doing or have to do – until I’m comfortable that I can accomplish whatever it is I have to do with the least amount of effort in the shortest time. I also have had this tendency to believe that my way is the best way…    Thus,

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to believe that ‘my way’ of doing things is the best way and the way that everyone else should do them.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to question how others (partner/children/siblings) would do some things – like household chores – because they might do those things different than I might do them, even though the end result was all that really mattered.

I forgive myself that I accepted and allowed myself to not realize that, outside of my work responsibilities, it’s not necessary for me to put my two cents in about the way others choose to do things – unless I’m asked – because it comes across as being controlling.

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to place emphasis and value on being ‘right’ and doing things right instead of realizing that placing value on being right was simply to feed my ego.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to not see, realize and understand that I have participated within and as this “being right” character for most of my life, building up my own ego and seeing myself as better than others because of this belief I had that I could see better ways to do things than others.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to desire to control how others would do things as a way to boost my ego by reinforcing the idea in my mind that doing things my way is/was the best way.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to have a superior attitude towards others when questioning them as to why they did something the way they did it or, in asking them if they had ever considered doing it differently – such as the way I would do it.

While I have been guilty of these things countless times, there have been occasions where I questioned another about the way they did something simply out of curiosity to understand their rationale behind the process – as a learning opportunity – but, due to my proclivity for questioning from a critical viewpoint, it was still interpreted as controlling – deservedly so…

I forgive myself for having accepted and allowed myself to physically react by clenching my jaw and glaring at my children/siblings when they would deliberately not do something ‘my way’ because they knew they’d get a reaction out of me.

I forgive myself for accepting and allowing myself to react to someone else’s decision on the method they chose to accomplish a task – just because it was different from how I would have done it.

When and as I see myself wanting to interject my idea as to how something should be done I stop, and I breathe, and I realize that my way of doing things isn’t the ONLY way to do things and that it isn’t necessary for me to get involved unless it directly impacts me and, that if it does, I commit myself to making myself available for input to reach an outcome that’s best for all.

I realize that within the principle of equality, that there is no need for any one person to wield control over another in any way, as each of us will dedicate ourselves to only bring to fruition those processes that are best for all.


Recommended reading:  the Journey to Life blogs, especially:   Creation’s Journey to Life ,  Heaven’s Journey to Life & Earth’s Journey to Life, among the many blogs listed, that are written by others dedicated to equality and are walking this journey.

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